All These Hotel Rooms

Martin Lanser

All these hotel rooms. All these different and very temporary “homes” away from home. Small and cramped rooms. Spacious suites with kitchens. Some well-thought-out. Others clearly an afterthought.

Newly built. Or old and worn. From “properly renovated” to “badly in need of a fresh coat of paint” to “it’d be better to tear it down.” From “worth every penny” to rip-off. From wow to meh. So many rooms with so few outlets. And why are those outlets in spots that make no sense? All those worn mattresses that make you feel like you’re sleeping in a tub. Every once in a while there's a heavenly mattress ... I'm so tired. I need to sleep.

Worn sheets. Crisp sheets. Thin blankets. Heavy blankets. An infinite number of pillows that are too soft. Small useless desks. All these lamps and light fixtures, and still no proper lighting. Why? How hard can this be?

Closets with a few hangers. Flimsy ironing boards. Old irons. Sometimes brand new irons. Leaky irons. But no convenient outlets. Who selected the artwork? Art? Sometimes real glassware. I like that! Often just plastic cups. I hate that! $4 for a bottle of water. I really hate that!

All those loud and inefficient wall AC units. And those loud in-room fridges. So many blinking alarm clocks. Why are thermostats set to arctic blast? TVs with an infinite number of sports channels. There's at least one channel for every imaginable and unimaginable sport. I will sleep here tonight, but I wish I were at home. I want to sleep in my own bed. I'm so tired. I need to sleep now. I have to catch an early flight in a few hours.

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